Should I ?

Should I?                                                            

‘Oh, he is online!’ 

Her heart started beating faster. ‘Should I?’ What would he think of me?’.

She could feel the anxiety inside. There was mild shaking in the body.  She got up and walked around the room. Gradually the breath became normal and she went back to the phone.

‘But we liked each other at school- so may be; just may be there’s a chance. But, only if I try! Yes, I think I should.

Without much thinking, she took the phone and typed :

“Hi. Is this Arjun?”

‘Oh, I did it! What the hell! What was I thinking? Had I thought a little longer, this wouldn’t have happened. Wait a moment, why shouldn’t I? After all, this is not stalking. After all two friends who were in school together, there will be a curiosity to know about each other. It’s normal and there’s absolutely nothing wrong about this. But we were not friends. I doted on him and he was no different, but both just failed to express. ‘

‘Why he’s not replying, maybe he doesn’t reply to strangers. I shouldn’t have sent. But, if not now, then when!’

“Hi. Yes, it is. May I know who this is?” There came a reply!

‘Finally!!’ Well let me see if he remembers.’

“Hi, I’m Sejal. We were together in DPS till 10th.Same division.

‘I hope he will remember. Even if we haven’t talked much with each other- there was clearly something.’

“Hey Sejal. I remember! Nice to hear from you.”

‘Thank God! Now what, I’m excited but completely blank of how to take it forward.’ Oh, he’s typing!’

“Long time it’s been! How did you get my no?”

‘Oh! Should I tell him? That will definitely look like stalking. Why did he ask this? To hell with it, let me play around.

“Yesterday night, I bumped into Anjaly, she mentioned that you are working in Pune for the last 3 months. Then she sent me your no.”

‘How can I tell him that I snatched her phone and took his no out of excitement? She said that my face was lit up when I heard he’s in the city.’

“Oh, really? I’m in touch with Anjaly nowadays. So how have you been all these years?”

‘Now he is showing some interest to know about me. Or is it just being asked formally? And if he had known Anjaly why he has never tried to get my number? So it is evident that he is not interested. Well, he was the Mr. Perfect in school. Clearly I’m one among many! Well, now that I’m this close, let me see!

“Good, actually! I have completed post-graduation n bn here for last 8 months. How bout u?”

‘Oh shit! What will he think if I’m using such short texts, let me type normally from now on.’

“Cool. I just moved in since last month. I was working in Mumbai last year.”

‘Like I don’t know all these! I want to yell what I’m feeling right now! I know you were graduated from Chennai and worked in Bangalore for 6 months. I have heard that you travel to many places alone. I know all. The only missing thing was the phone number.

“Hey I heard you travelled alone to Himalayas last year. Is it? How was that”

‘Now I have started with something that could excite him, at least I hope so! But, if he asks me how I came to know about this! Oh!!

“Btw,Anjaly told about that!”

‘Now I’m safe.’

‘Wait, he is offline. Why, he’s not interested? Did I ask it too early’ I know I’m over excited, but I’m trying to keep it low. May be he got a phone call or something. But it’s 9.40 at night? Is it his girlfriend?’

‘Come-on! It could be family. I should show some patience; at least this much has happened. My boring evening has turned meaningful. But it’s been two minutes. Where’s he?’

‘May be, it's his girlfriend. He has a charm. Even Anjaly had a thing for him. Thank god, she got hitched!’

Sejal got up and walked around the room, again! She went out to the balcony.

‘I am really anxious. I need something to divert my attention’

She checked her clothes left for drying there. It was done and she took them in.

‘Well, let me fold them. I really need to loosen up. After all it is just a message.’

“Sorry I got a call. Yeah I went last September. And please note it is not the Himalayas, just some villages in the valley. And it’s been really great.”

‘Call? I hope it’s from his mom. I didn’t listen to the rest of the message.’ Himalaya or the valleys, I don’t care- that call! Who could that be? Oh come on, I’m being imperious with my thoughts. It has been only 15 minutes. Let me at least start with something. I really wish he would have said something interesting. Well, I should drop these assumptions and type.

“Okay, how’s your life been?” How’s everyone at home?”

‘I clearly remember his parents and elder brother. And this message can clearly show my care for all. Come on! I got to give it a shot’

“Oh, they are doing great, glad you asked. How are things at your end?”

‘What am I supposed to say?’ Everything has been normal or rather boring. But I’m not going to give up! Let me convey that I’m living a fantastic life. But his life and travelling, come on, I know how much I hate my life! Why can’t he just ask me out! I wish life was so easy.

“Things are going well; I’m looking for job. Couple of things came my way. But somehow it was not supposed to be. I’m doing some freelance stuufs from the apartment. Actually evening times are quite boring as I don’t have anything to do.

‘Now that was a calculated reply.  That shows I’m friendly and willing to talk more. Rather than boasting about the non-existing life, let me be frank. Boasting has never really worked. Well done, girl.’

“About job, I’m sorry as there is nothing I can tell you. I was lucky enough to get one as soon as I finished studying. Anyway it’s great that you’re doing freelancing and earning. I’m sure things will work out!”

Oh, yes, everything’s easy for him. It was and always been that way. But I’m on the other side of the street and today‘s no different.

“Hey, Thanks for your words.”

‘Oh, I should have typed more. What if he doesn’t reply? Oh, stupid! I should have kept it going.’

She checked the time. It was past eleven.

‘What am I doing? It is way past bed time and here I’m making the shit out of things and tensed! Shall I just drop the phone down and go under the sheets?

Come-on! As if I’m going to sleep now.

The phone beeped.

‘And reg boredom, why don’t you take a walk in the evenings??  May be the Vetal-Tekdi or the Osho gardens? I do take long walks on weekends. It is quite rejuvenating to go alone!

‘What? He goes out alone? Does that mean he’s single? How would I come to know? And I want to ask him out as well. Waiting for him to ask is waste, it seems. Someone should take the initiative. But what if it is a no? All the excitement, adrenaline rush will be over in a day. But what if someone else asks before me? Oh no! A no is better than the guilt of never been able to ask.’

“May be you can take me along for the walk, anyway it’s weekend, I mean if you’ve got no plans.”

‘OH SHITTT! I asked and he read it. WHY? I should have waited! Jeez! Girl, you got to take it slow! I really hope this last part didn’t happen.’

“Oh, are you asking me out on a date ma’am?”

‘Oh! Now that I’m trapped, there’s no use of playing around.’

“May be! You never know! So… what about Sunday?”

Now things have gone out of hand. What the hell! But at the same time, this is the way it has to be. And this is why I took his number. So there’s nothing wrong in making a move.

“Hmmm so sorry, it’s not possible for me! Sunday I’m occupied.”

‘Well, party’s over! He’s clearly not interested. I should’ve showed some patience. We were talking well. We could’ve chatted a lot more. Now even friendship won’t be possible. God! Why do I rush these things! Will he talk to me this freely ever again? Wait he’s typing something.

Sejal locked the phone and kept it away. She switched off the bed-side lamp and crawled under the sheets. It was not possible to sleep. She turned to the other side.

The phone beeped.

“What about tomorrow?”

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vin.ajith@gmail.com