TODAY I WAS RELEASED FROM JAIL BECAUSE OF A LACK OF EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PERCEIVE AFTER ALL THESE STORIES THAT PEOPLE ARE USED TO SHARING AS A MARKET, WHERE THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS HIDDEN BENEATH THE FLOOR YOU STEP ON. BUT I NEED TO PASS MY STORY AND BE FREE FROM AT LEAST IN ONE TRUTH HEART.
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TODAY I WAS RELEASED FROM JAIL BECAUSE OF A LACK OF EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PERCEIVE AFTER ALL THESE STORIES THAT PEOPLE ARE USED TO SHARING AS A MARKET, WHERE THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS HIDDEN BENEATH THE FLOOR YOU STEP ON. BUT I NEED TO PASS MY STORY AND BE FREE FROM AT LEAST IN ONE TRUTH HEART.
TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE:--
I arrived back at my new apartment on the second floor, where I was living with some acquaintances. We're all here expecting to move on to the next freedom level and the cause must be our job. Here we find money as a constant issue. We have not yet become close friends. Everyone is occupied with their own journey, shaped by their environment. In that case, I can't expect anyone to be available early at night. I had taken a few knuckle shots in the playground, which left my legs feeling heavy. One of them was taken by the ground, instead of aiming at the post it aimed back to my bones. Newton's pain goes in smoothly. So I sat down and put the scooter key on the table. However, I searched for it in the kitchen. It is not that I don't have a memory of where I put it. It seems like I am adapting to a situation of searching where laziness is the mastermind behind it. I felt like my eyes were not fully opened when I started searching instead of remembering. Ken was the only person who knew every corner of this apartment. If he is here, I will get it. I decided to give up and head outside to catch up with an autorickshaw. "yes there he is" I got the key.
I was working in a car company in the automation department. That's my dream job and that's what I got. But it's not like in the dreams. I indeed love cars more than chairs in my company. But I felt like I worked for the chair. When I was little I had this intention to make every one of my toys automatic. my brother told me that I was lazy when I was little. That may be the reason I don't particularly appreciate playing toys with my hands. Lazy people are great innovators, they make life simple with their ideas. Exactly, that's what we do, we make more people for a lazy community.
An orange F-Type Jaguar suddenly appeared in front of me as I was riding my scooter around a curve. Though I was in increasing pain, I managed to stop the scooter. Unfortunately, I couldn't put my leg down, so I continued to the hospital. The doctor informed me that I had a small fracture and needed rest. When I arrived back at my apartment, I saw the Jaguar once again. Jaguar came from a luxurious house on the right side of our apartment building, despite my difficulty walking. I decided to investigate. I sat in a chair outside on the veranda, waiting, watching. I had lived in the apartment building for about a month and had never noticed such a luxurious house before. Finally, I had the chance to explore everything around me with my eyes. The doctor said I would be fully healed within one week.
i wanted to be an honest guy in my entire life, i was good at it. People who are honest in their words will become fools in this world. These honest people, Humans around them will call them overly honest men, excessively honest, Blunt, brutally honest, and men who were too honest. Those surrounded humans made levels for honesty like these and then at a point in their lifetime, they become the enemy themselves after accepting the truth from humans around them. I will tell you everything without any breakage through the diary days I had in the apartment.
As I write in my diary, I pour out all my emotions, memories, and thoughts that come to my mind. This process makes me feel relieved and comfortable, allowing me to sleep well after unburdening my mind and transferring the weight onto the soft absorber with a floating syringe. I need more memories to be written. My brother once told me "Write down whatever comes to your mind on a paper without editing or censoring it. Come back to it later when things start to make sense, additional ink will come and find you". My brother is 7 years older than me. I don't know what he means but from that point, I take it as a reason for writing a diary. Unfortunately, there were huge gaps between me and my writing for months or maybe years. He didn't tell me what to think or write. Later I realized it wasn't just about writing down my thoughts, but rather, it was a way of thinking and processing my experiences.
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23/12/2024
Monday
I was sitting outside Veranda and as the evening progressed, it was not too long to blur my eyes. A kid caught my attention, playing football alone in a small yard outside. That evening the Jaguar came back from work. A man, who looks like in his 20s like me. he has a visage carved from marble dreams, where wealth and charm convene. The sky blue Gaze eyes held the depth of sapphires. Time seemed to bend to his will, marked by the golden timepiece that adorned his wrist a family heirloom that ticked away the moments with precision and elegance.
He is definitely in high power at his work, he could come back every evening.
Oh god, I need to identify as that man. I know that will not work until I get any mental issues or mentally issued sensei in my childhood. Poor mind, I don't have any illness in that part and even if I make up it in my mind I don't have a Jaguar to ride. The Jaguar with its sleek lines and fiery orange hue, is not merely a machine, it’s a symphony of power, desire, and rebellion. He put the Jaguar ring key on his belt loop. Now the key protects the pants more than the strips. It keeps his standard from falling off the pants on the floor.
As long as I work for money I hope that money will work for me one day and at that time I will hear the clear wealth whispered. More than him Jaguar gives me hope for that.
I thought they were brothers. Then I saw a young girl kissing him. Was he lived to marry someone this quickly? Is that what his goal Is? was to marry, and have a child? Is that how the world works now? Am I jealous? No, I'm not. I think that he is too young for this. Marriage gives a reason for living for the ones who don't have that. That's what it is. So maybe I am jealous.
I got the dream of being a part of any automation, I needed. I make the kid inside me happy, this was his dream. I was always failing to find the dream of this younger me. Am I satisfied with my own failure in finding a good reason for living? Or is this how destiny arrives to make me the fool, I need to be in the future?
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24/12/2024
Tuesday
This evening, the young man came with a gift for the kid. He took a small post and a soccer ball from the shining black back seat and placed them in the yard. It's not right. Then he started to play with his kid while the Jaguar was overseeing every moment. The orange paint shimmered, catching the light like a forbidden flame. I felt bad when he was being insulted as a carrier even though the Jaguar was happily watching them. The kid was looking happier than yesterday. Caring is the form of happiness that the man had, I thought my life would be worse if I got that kind of happiness. It's not the case that I don't care about anybody. I can't care for someone without expecting returns. I care for my family to give returns and I do care for my friends with those expectations. but all, in the end, it makes me a more selfish self-centered person. My legs were stretching when I saw the football and the yard where the kid was playing. it's hard for me to see playing in injury time. there will not be any injury if that ball is under my foot.
I want to call my roommates 'my friends'. they are doing a lot for me now. At night I saw my mate Dilijith in the next room looking out of the window at the house. I asked him about the Jaguar. "it's nice but I like the GT parked next to it" He had arrived at this conclusion after making some tomato-tomato comparison. After that, He started to talk about the wealth of the rich man. Dilijith worried about how the man gonna waste the money But never worried about the hotel bills after a long run on his stomach.
I bought myself here and after 29 days, this injury happened to my leg. I thought I could not get into my first and new project for the company. now I understand that the dream of the kid is only a reason to see himself as meaningful in the future and to move on to the life of younger-self, who is now struggling to find new meanings for the stories with no morals that he made without looking at any past degree.
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25/12/2024
Wednesday
From my vantage point on the chair, I saw that some workers spending hours meticulously crafting Christmas tableau in the middle of their front yard and a sturdy old man with a garibaldi beard had climbed precarious ladders to string twinkling lights along the leaves, corners of the house and all the way to the gate.
none of us has work today. we grouped together and started to drink beer. Dilijith brought 5 bottles of beer, Two of us me and Aben, refused to drink. the party was joyful and lasted until the midnight. I went to the veranda to admire the beauty of the house on Christmas night. An yellow finishing lights from three sides of the house one from the middle tree and the other two from the side 2 stars hanged on either sides of the house. That tree, its branches laden with memories. the hand-painted snowflake from Little Boy, the delicate glass angel from the young Mrs. Young Man takes the kid up and kid rings the antique silver bell. why did they need the kid for that? the one odd ringing came all the way here to touch my ear. Do they feel safe here while I am watching? wide open.
Day by day I understand that his wealth getting shrinks, he is a kid with tastes. Then it would be sure that his company and the jaguar are always trying to slip from his hand. when lack of water makes us thirsty, lack of taste makes us worthy. He couldn't do that.
one-half beer was staring at me. I make sure that Aben was asleep and I took the bottle and go to Leven's room. He was lying sprawled beneath the bed. The bed above him sagged under the force of regrets and choices. we are working on the same company. he is an position above me.
Now I am remembering the kid who was joyfully enjoying his life with his brother's light while trapped inside a family drama. whenever he tries to go to find peace with his brother, the memories of each member in the drama fade away. they were out of the drama but they were the ones who suffered the most. 2 months ago the one who was with him in all these ways also followed the path of the members of the family crew. Now no more members exist and he finds his own position to stand on the bottom of the earth. Even if i expect something more than someone in my life. At last, everything was meaningless thoughts to fulfill a blank page of dreams.
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26/12/2024
Thursday
"There was one more bottle" Ken said. he comes to my room, By raising one eyebrow and with a Flabbergasted look he said "You".
"no I'm not" i replayed in an instant.
there is no wonder that how he ends up here as an accountant.
ken: yes you are. no worry, I take the bottle and leave nobody knows. he closes the door. There was a long gaps between the letters in his words 'nobody knows'. he gave me a sinister smile before leaving. After sometimes the other 2 pictures caught my eyes with the same look but different faces.
now I understand that I'm doomed and there is only one person who doesn't know about it.
when I go to verandah I see something weird about the Jaguar its front left tire has a puncture and today I don't think there will be any workshop opened. he takes another car from his porch and when he goes out like he usually does, suddenly stops the car, he walked to the middle of the yard and picks something weird. it is an AIM (automation indicator messenger), He breaks it and goes to work. something might be happened. but why is he going like that without calling cops or someone. he would not had any knowledge about that thing.
I got a message from the company "Everyone in the company must attempt the meeting at 9:00 am morning or you will lose your job". After that I got a call from the boss" keep your phone online and listen to the meeting". the topic was the new product. The idea of the product was made by leven. That product which has not even started manufacturing. Someone took the prototype. wait... is that man the owner of the company? it makes sense that's why he could come every evening. i haven't seen his face yet.
At night when I came out for fresh air I saw a full moon filled with hope. I take a look at the house the Jaguar is in the yard and the tire is fixed. jaguar started moving like a EV vehicle. i was going to prepare for my todays thoughts writing section but my diary slipped from my hand and fell on an upper part of an autorickshaw. i was going to down stairs to pick it up. suddenly a dim light touched on the bright side of my eyes. Jaguar comes out through the automated gate system and stops right in front of the apartment. the nervous system on my leg suddenly stuck in a wave of pain and rushed into the Jaguar.
I open the door to my unforgettable memories with my brother. he was the only one I had to express emotions. Our neighbors were always admired for having a family like these in the neighborhood. they got the opportunity to see live shows with tongue fights. Whenever my brother got the smell of an upcoming tragedy at our home he took me to the Jaguar and play the music in the Jaguar.
whenever we get inside, he started to poetize the jaguar and singing the songs sometimes. I remembered some of it. "Hold the brake to take the breath. Press down and eject the fuel to maintain the breath. We get into the soul by regulating the clutch according to his noise, showering him when he feels lazy or sad, and buying him the most common expensive drink before he gets dull. Treat him in the nearest workshop quickly at the time of illness, When we began to smell his angriness clutch up when he began to feel pain clutch down" sometimes his college mates will also be with us. a long haired one was his best friend. He got a nice clean broad beard.
The man who was driving jaguar has the same musical taste as my brother. But I can't quite recall his face. The only thing I remember every time is that I was inside my dream car. I wanted to ask him where are you heading on this night. My lips are always stick together while my eyes are wide open. Me who was sitting like a baby sweating through eye balls. The leather hugged me, whispering secrets of speed and adventure. I was no longer a mere mortal. I was a part of this symphony of horsepower and adrenaline. I am content with where i am now and what I am. In one week I joined in automation and I became one of the 15 members of the new project of the company. I called it as a dream when I was a kid and now that's my passion.
I came by fulfilling a side of my dream comes true and getting a deep sleep.
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27/12/2024
Friday
when I woke up late I went to Veranda suddenly and searched for the jaguar coming out in the morning. he takes the GT car and goes in a hurry.
on 11'oclock Aben approaches me in veranda with a sad look on his face "you never asked me about my intention and also I don't want to know your's too. Whatever I got the meaning of friendship after a long time" he said to me. i think he is carrying some burden on his shoulder. i don't think asking him about his worries will heal him. i think it will make him remember his sad moments one more time.
I got a call from my work companion. Things are getting worse than yesterday and everyone is now pointing at me.
I get it because I am the only one in the automation department who was not present but why do they trust each other? is there someone who needs to point me first? I take a look at the mirror attached to a suitcase. I can see my brother in me. he was that one pointing student in every case. The yelp sound is getting in my way. I don't expect them in the night. I need to cooperate. Everyone is pointing at me so if I tell them about all I saw from Veranda, it will be worse for me. I need to hide this.
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28-02-2025
Saterday
I lost my trust in the bright sun after a dark night. yesterday I arrived from jail and today I was busy with something I needed to do, Not for me, But for my friends and neighbors here, to get them out of their Misinterpreted minds. I take my diary and tear my green days. peoples in the city was a curator after that.
Being honest. I don't care if someone stole the Jaguar every night. Anyway, I had traveled in my dream jaguar. but I do care about telling people that I am not a robber. In the evening I get out to my friend Sam's press and print the book, Tomorrow I will publish it. now my brother's voice makes sense. it doesn't matter how boring my life is going on, I am always will be the main character of my story.
I met Ken on the way to the press. He greeted me like an old friend, and we shook hands. His hair has gone from long to short. He is a friend of my brother. Then he uttered something and rode away on my scooter. I handed it to him after the incident.." I had known about your brother and the family that your brother used to start his career, you need to know the truth that he never loved the family, he needs to get you an mother care and when he get that he started to using them. Made you thought that you were never belongs to there and you always belong to the front seat of the Jaguar came from that house. I know the place where your brother living now and I need to tell you that it's the place where he belongs. That was the reason why I couldn't stand for you at that time. There is no more case, so there is no point in putting up this diary"
As I gazed up at the sky, I saw the sunset painting the cirrocumulus clouds in stunning shades of red. It seemed as though the moon might be envious of the sun's ability to create such a beauty. After sometime he became the only one glowing between the center of many gigantic stars, At midnight, the moon would cast a deep bluish light over the earth. I also noticed that he could play with different colors than the sun. Even though he takes that ability from sun.i bet that he love to do that.
I HAVE NOTHING TO DIG OUT THE TRUTH. ALL I HAVE IS MY DIARY TO BURY THE LIES.
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